قصه الزوجات الاربعه

326

واحدة جوزها اتجوز عليها ولما عرفت الحكاية من بعيد لبعيد عملت نفسها ولا تعرف حاجة .. وقاعدة مع زوجها عاااااادى واﻷمور على أحسن ما يكون وعايشة حياتها و16 سنة وهي مبسوطة ومرتاحة وحياتها 100 %

مات جوزها وانتهت ايام العزاء
واجتمعوا عندها أهل جوزها عايزين يفتحوا الموضوع ومش عارفين من فين يبدأوا … وهى شايفاهم ومش مهتمة .. وعارفة هم عايزين ايه

قام أبو جوزها قال لها يابنتى فى موضوع عايز أفاتحك فيه بس عايزك تتفهميه وما تحمليش اﻷمور أكثر مما تحتمل.

قالت ما تقولش حاجة يا عمي !!
عارفة ان ابنك كان متجوز عليا.

اﻷب أندهش وقال وانتى صابرة ولا كأنه فيه حاجة.

قالت له مش كده الحكاية .. لو عملت زيطة وزمبليطة كان قسم الليالى بيني وبينها .. وكان قسم المصاريف
وكان كل ما زعلت راح عندها وسابنى وكان.. وكان

لكن عملت نفسي ما أعرفش .. بقى كل الليالي عندي .. وخايف اني أعرف
ومصاريفي على سنجة 10 وعايز رضايا وخايف مني أي لحظة أكشفه
وعاش 16 سنة بعد جوازه وأنا ملكة مدللة وهو خايف مني

عايزة ايه أحسن من كده … ؟؟؟؟

الشيطان قاعد يسمع ويلطم … ويقول ضيعت عمرى أخطط أفرق بينهم على فشوش .. وضرب عياله وقالهم اتعلمو ياولاد الكلب

مذكرات زوجة خفيفة الدم ….

تقول : صحيت قبل شهرين من النوم بدري
وطبعاً لازم اصحي زوجي ..
ولأن نومه ثقيل .. دخلت الغرفة وقفلت الباب ونزلت الستاير وطفيت نور الغرفة
وصارت الغرفة ظلمه تمام
جبت ملاية وغطيت زوجي من كل الجوانب
وجيت جنبه وقعدت وهمست بأذنه…..
من ربك ؟؟؟؟؟
ما دينك ؟؟؟؟
ممن نبيك ؟؟؟؟؟
وفجأة … نط وقام مفزوع يجري بالغرفة ويصرخ
الله ربي ….
الإسلام ديني….
محمد رسولي ….
وهو يجري بالغرفة وقعت ايده على كبس النور و ولع النور
شافني واقفة بالزاوية ميتة من الضحك
المهم ……

وقع في ايده حزام البنطلون ونزل فيا ضرب ….
حتى نطقت الشهادتين

والحمد لله رب العالمين
طلعت من المستشفى من يومين وبتعالج طبيعي وعيني خفت شوية
واحتمال أقدر أمشي بعد اسبوعين …
ربنا يشفيه ….نفسيته مريضة
? مش بيتحمل هزار أبداً الله يهديه

 
قصه الزوجه المطيعة!!!
:
كان هناك رجل يعمل طوال حياته و قد وفر اموال كثيره و قبل وفاته قال لزوجته :
عندما أموت، اريد منك أن تضعي نصف أموالي في النعش معي لأني أريد أن أخذها إلى الآخرة معي ..
:
و حصل على وعد من زوجته بذلك أنه عندما يتوفى فإنها ستضع نصف الأموال
في النعش معه ..
:
عند وفاته كان ملقى في النعش
و زوجته كانت تجلس هناك ..
:
و الجميع يرتدون ملابس سوداء
و صديقتها كانت جالسة إلى جوارها ..
و قبل الإستعداد لإغلاق النعش
قالت الزوجة’انتظروا لحظة .
أخذت علبة معدنية صغيرة معها و وضعتها في النعش ..
ثم أغلقت النعش بانخفاض
و رحل النعش بعيدا ..
:
ثم قالت صديقتها يا صديقتي
أنا أعلم أنك لست مغفلة لوضع المال مع زوجك في قبره ..
:
ردت الزوجة المخلصة’اسمعي
أنا متدينة ..
و لذا لا يمكن أن أخلف وعدي
و أرجع في كلمتي ..
وعدته أن أضع كل نصف امواله في النعش معه .
:
فسألتها صديقتها باستغراب :
هل تقصدين أنك وضعت الأموال في النعش معه ..؟!
قالت الزوجة :
‘جمعت كل المال و وضعته في حسابي!!!
و كتبت له شيك بنصفها كما وعدته وخليه يصرفه ..

فسقط ابليس مغشيا عليه
: من الطرائف

” بمناسبه يوم الحريم العالمي ”

سئل حكيم :
متى يكون الزواج بالثانية مطلبا ؟

قال :
إن بلغت الأولى أربعين
وكثر منها الشكوى والأنين
وتدهنت بالفيكس والفازلين
وظهر عليها آثار السنين
واصبحت أم البنات والبنين
وتوارى الإغراء بالسمين

ثم جاء الرد الصاروخي من إحدى السيدات على رسالة الحكيم :

إذا بلغت الزوجة الاربعين
يكون الزوج قد ناهز الخمسين
فخارت قواه وعضلاته تلين
يقلب الشاي بحبات الاسبرين
وضغطه وكوليستروله زايدين
وكأنه شاحنة وخلص منها البانزين
وما بقي فيه إلا لسان عاوز له قص بالسكين.

قال الحكيم : حسبي الله الحريم دول ما يقال لهم حكمة أبداً
بمناسبة يوم الحريم العالمي

رجل يقرأ لزوجته معلومة !
ويقول لها :
هل تعرفين أن المرأة تنطق 3000 كلمه في اليوم ؟!
بينما ينطق الرجل حوالي 1000 فقط !!
ردت عليه : هذا صحيح ..
لأننا النساء نضطر دائماً أن نعيد الكلام مرتين للاغبياء حتى يستوعبووا ..
رد عليها زوجها : بتقولي ايه
قالت : ها شفت
يعني لازم أعيد إللي قلته

 

قويه آيتهآ آلمرأأه
كم آنتي كبيرة يآحوآء عجبتيني بردك آلمقنع

سأل رجل امرأة :
لماذا خلقتم جميلات و ناقصات عقل ؟؟!!
فأجابت :
جميلات لتحبونا ،،
و ناقصات عقل لنحبكم ..!!!”
جاءها ضاحكاً ساخراً بارزاً عضلاته
قائلاً: أستطيع أن أتزوج بأربع نساء فأنا محلل لي بذلك بينما أنت لا تستطيعين الزواج إلا بواحد
أجابته مبتسمة وبكل هدوء
قائلة : ألا تعلم لماذا ؟
لأني غالية لا يمتلكني الا واحد   بينما أنت رخيص يتشارك فيك أربعة :

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